is there a moment of beauty in your everyday? do you pause to revel and drink it all in?

i try to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, as often as i can. i don’t know if that makes me an optimistic person, but it certainly gives me perspective.

this morning lake union was a sheet of gray butcher paper. unwrinkled, pooling out, flat. yesterday fall colors adorned tree branches galore. the rain was oppressive, but refreshing. and i recalled the uplift of blue skies.

what has made you stop and take a closer look  recently?

my aging metabolism finally got the better of me. okay, so i’m not old really. but somehow i’ve been relegated into the late-20s category and boy have i noticed a change. first and foremost, i cannot eat like i did when i was 23 year-old cindy without consequences. as a lover of all things food, you can only imagine how this has hit me.

so in my desperation that was inspired by a very frustrating session in the fitting room where everything looked awful, i did some research and decided to take on running.

let me explain something… i have never been an athletic girl. gym was one of my least favorite classes. i never scored a “it’s hip to be fit” t-shirt because i simply was not. i played the piano, i took ballet classes for more than a decade. running, push-ups, anything that involved sweating and being outside simply did not interest me. so deciding to run was/is a huge deal. and again, reiterates how desperate i am. the only goal i have for myself is to be able to eat whatever i want without gaining 10 pounds every time i do. that’s all i ask for.

earlier this week i bought my first pair of running shoes. ever. that’s right, i have never owned a pair of this mythical kind of footwear. case in point was the disappointment i (secretly) harbored when the kind young man helping me whisked away a pair of super cute shoes in favor of something that had better support my overpronation.

yesterday after work, eager and excited, i embarked upon an 8 week beginner’s run training program that involves a combination of running and walking, slowly adding more run time as the weeks progress. halfway through my 30 minute workout, i seriously considered calling it a day. my legs were like lead, my lungs were bursting, i didn’t understand how anyone could run a marathon, and i felt silly huffing and puffing around for all the neighbors to see. but then i realized that if i stopped at 15 minutes, then the next time i started running, i wouldn’t be holding myself to much of a threshold. and that’ll be the end of running for cindy.

image by woodleywonderworks

no can do. i huffed and puffed on for 15 more minutes to complete all my reps. but honest to god, after that halfway doubt was surmounted, i felt a renewed sense of vigor and determination. i could do it! i had to. my body may have been tired, but i  knew it could still go on. it would sillier for me to have turned back and high-tailed it back home in defeat. mental blocks, i shall not let you get the better of me. and even though i felt like the dead for the rest of the night and im soresoresore this morning, the sweetness of having ran for the basically the first time since middle school gym class has me once again eagerly and excitedly anticipating my next run. it’s going to happen, damn it. stay tuned.

how unfamiliar.

this fall, i packed a school bag that consisted of my laptop, planner, snacks, and water (later learning i forgot paper and pen), then headed to the bus stop. i walked through campus just as evening set in, found my classroom, and sat back to observe my classmates and instructor. to think this used to happen quarterly, 3-4 times for each class i took. it’s all become so strange to me now. i’m used to heading to the bus stop as the sun rises, walk through the hustle and bustle of downtown to a still sleepy-eyed high rise and plug into a day’s work.

now here i am, doing both. i used to love the beginning of school, a mixture of anxiety and excitement. i loved buying books, supplies, deciding what to wear on the first day, a nervous energy rising up my throat as i entered the school. education is about possibilities and the mad grab at knowledge. it’s filling my mind with information, food for thought, the attempt towards understanding and grasping. and nowadays, it’s an escape for me. no longer a full time student, more a full time employee. the striving for something more. wasn’t that always the point?

image by madelinetosh

this fall, i’ll be seeking inspiration from colors of

• rain cloud gray, reflective silver,
• late harvest red,
• ripened plum,
• morning sunshine,
• coppers, burnished gold,
• frost-tinted green, and
• maple-pumpkin orange

with those in mind, i created this september set for you to be inspired by.

thanks, polyvore

this month has never been my fave because it’s usually the hottest. and if you know me, then you know that i despise the heat and instead revel in the blustery, rainy, gray days instead. maybe it’s my pisces nature. who knows! however, august 2009 has been very good to me. it’s been a month bursting to the seams with happiness.

first off: little griffin. he is a joy to behold. i am lucky that ive gotten to see him at least once a week. the boy is Growing, capital G. i was proud to see a little double chin action the other day and anyday now i expect to see rolls. or not. however he is, whatever he looks like, griffin will be one cute bebe. he has the dreamiest eyes- huge, knowing, alert, bright. bright eyes. what do those eyes see? what will they see? watching a baby take in the world is an incredible thing to observe. i am fascinated by what he is fascinated by. i watch him stretch his tiny limbs up, out, here and there. he’s experimenting, testing limits, breaking them, taking it all in, figuring out what he can and cannot do. and then i cannot help but think, this was once me. and all my friends who have surrounded griffin with our coos and exclamations of delight. we were all babies once, how i wish we had some memories from our infant-hood, what we could all learn! this little guy cant speak, yet he’s communicating still all the time. wow.

second: motherhood. not me, erin, mama of griffin. watching her take in motherhood has all seemed so natural. it’s as if she’s been a mom all the time i’ve known her. i know there is a lot that i do not see and cannot even begin to understand, so i can only imagine how much work and effort and time it takes to take care of a baby. i’ve always admired erin for her drive and ability to not only balance but excel at handling so much at once. but now i am even more floored and impressed at what i see. her calmness and grace makes me gawk with wonder. she should become a poster child for motherhood. to see a dear friend grow up before my eyes- i dont know quite how to describe it. but it does lift up my heart and make me swell with love and pride.

third: on financial responsibility. oh boy, you know you’re a grown up when financial responsibilty makes you happy. so i’ll declare here and now that it really does. i want to buy a house. and i will save and save until i am able to buy one. this is exciting for me. i know i just took on a whole other level of nerdery, internet.

fourth: the long distance relationship’s end is in sight. i know i don’t talk about my relationship muc here, but i am very grateful and excited right now that by the end of this year there will be no more “i miss yous” sent via texts, 3 hour time differences, jam-packed and hurried visits, and blowing insane amounts of money on airfare (not to mention all those carbon footprints created).

fifth: what is yet to come. as quickly as this year has flown by… each year does, really… i always anticipate the coming of autumn, most beloved of seasons. outside my high-rise office, the world is shrouded in dense fog, a preview of what’s to come. i am ready to leave the bustle of summer behind and to relish in the misty future. i’ve got a year-long stint of editing classes that will satiate my hunger for intellectual stimulation beginning. i’ve got nanowrimo to plan for. books and masterpiece theatre to curl up with. and most of all, i’m ready to begin dreaming through my words again.

this morning i am reflecting on friendships. the ones we possess, the ones we cannot live without, the instantaneous ones, the ones that take years of laughter, chats, and sometimes even tears to built, the ones of yesteryear that you long for, the ones of the past you’re glad you’re no longer in, and the ones that simply confuse you.

from high school on, i have been so lucky in the friends i’ve made. we’ve celebrated decades of comaraderie so that not one moment of silence passes whenever we get together. as i’ve moved and grew older, i’ve continued to make friends with kindred spirits as anne of green gables call them, and been lucky enough to meet and keep many more fabulous people from all over the world.

my friends are my family. they are my insides, my heart, my strengths, my joy, everything that is good and true to me. and the best of friends are the ones that have unfailingly stood by my side, believed in my when i stopped believing in myself, and been the support and rock and shoulder i’ve ever needed. whatever i give to them, they return tenfold.

but every now and then i come face to face with someone i considered a good friend only to be given the cold or inconsistent shoulder. i am left wondering… had i made up our friendship all along? because this isn’t a 2 way street where we meet each other halfway and then some anymore. and so what do i do? relegate this person into the “acquaintences” file and just move on with my life? tell them exactly what i think?

i know for some, friendships arent as much as priority as they are for me. they are more like people you have fun with, entertainment, shallow, and not full of substance. i guess that’s just difficult for me to reconcile because i dont enjoy those kind of friendships. i prefer to really know someone, have a lifetime of heart to hearts, consider my friends as close to me as family. so maybe i shouldn’t take it all so personally. but it’s difficult.

gray mornings contemplate the dreams i left behind. it’s a lazy yawn and languorous stretch, the desire to close my eyes once more and fall down the rabbit hole. cozy comfort abound, warm blankets, snuggly puppy, a breeze just chilly enough to make me take a deep breath in.a reminder of life, a twinge of the past, i traverse so many worlds but always land back home.

the national weather service issued a severe heat warning round these parts from monday-thursday last i checked. it may well spill into the weekend. this kind of weather is not what we’re accustomed to. to say it’s been miserable for humans and pets alike is an understatement. and i am well aware that many, many people here dont work in a heavily air conditioned highrises like i do since this is, after all, the land of temperate weather. ahem, mother nature, did you get my hint yet?

i learned while living in DC that the best way not to go delirious from the heat is to not think about it. so i’ve been trying, but the persistance and duration of this heat wave is starting to get to me. especially at night when sleep wont come and i wonder if my dog is going to pass out from panting so hard. poor guy.

why don’t i live next to the beach or know someone with a boat and swimming pool?

they have the right idea...

image from bzo

it all started with the upcoming release of HP: the half blood prince. i got excited and decided to re-read the book. then i had to re-watch the order of the phoenix, realizing 1/3 of the way through it that i had never actually watched this movie from beginning to end before. genius. next thing you know, i’ve purchased the entire HP set and have decided to re-read them all. yesterday afternoon a friend brought up the casting of sean bean in george r. r. martin’s series, a game of thrones, which HBO picked up earlier this year. so naturally as we started talking about it, my mind said maybe you ought to re-read that, too.

stop. wait. is this the right blog you’ve come to?? there was all manner of nerdy sci-fi/fantasy-speak you just read there and you’re either feeling befuddled and alarmed or nodding your head excitedly in agreement with me. either way i’ve just revealed a side of me that i dont often unveil because in truth, i am a closet nerd. it’s difficult to speak of my nerdy ways unless i know you’re one, too. that’s just the way it works.

but today i can’t hold it back. my mind is on the deathly hallows and my heart has drifted off to worlds that exist only in my and the author’s imagination. hmm, maybe some of them are in RPG form. in any case, i dont play the games. i just read the books and watch the movies. the LOTR movies are the only ones ive stayed up to watch the midnight openings of. i think BSG is brilliant and is a show that extends beyond the realms of those who enjoy sci-fi. in truth, i’m not a sci-fi girl, mostly just fantasy. i became intrigued when i received tad william’s first memory, sorrow, and thorn book. i’ve seen both him and george r.r. martin in the flesh at book readings. and then i look around and see how fantasy has infiltrated pop culture in the past years. from the whole harry potter mania (please don’t mention twilight in my presence, i may just scream in your face) to well constructed series that have steady followings such as BSG. dont hate, but i also count rome and the tudors to fall into that realm as well. in addition to true blood and cult favorites such as firefly. we see many successful pixar movies that focus around fantasy worlds. i saw the trailer for where the wild things grow and felt my heartbeat quicken and hands clapping together. i’m reading rowling and dahl simultaneously after all.

a couple weeks ago i became dreamy as i traversed the website world of dread crew: pirates of the backwoods by kate inglis. the title and accompanying illustration itself was enough to make this little fantasy nerd say gimme, gimme, gimme! the book releases on october 30, 2009 and you can bet your bottoms that i’ll be preordering this volume and hoping many more will follow.

image from the dread crew site

all i’m saying is that fantasy has a place in all our worlds. it’s a reminder of where we can go through the magic of words and the limitless talent of its authors and illustrators (and even producers, directors, etc.) aka the storytellers.  it isn’t an easy task, but it’s one that i am thankful some minds are capable of. yargh!

reading children’s and young adult novels takes me down memory lane. no doubt it does for you as well. i was an avid and prolific reader as a child, i remember going to the library and cleaning out entire shelves, opening them up at the counter so the librarian could scan and stamp them with the due date, and carting them all home proudly in my pink canvas guess bag. i would them proceed to devour them the moment i returned home, gleefully writing down each title i finished on my reading log. i knew i would receive great praise from my teachers once they saw the list. that little show off, they must have thought to themselves.

from beverly clearly to laura ingalls wilder, brian jacques to madeline l’engle, i’ve got most of the classics covered. my friends and i recently decided that we’d start a children’s book club. it would be our chance to reread our favorites from childhood together. i dont know if our discussions will center around nostalgia or something more serious.  forget the regurgitation of the plot in form of a book report. themes, impressions, allusions instead, please. we decided to begin with the classic author-illustrator team of roald dahl and quentin blake. remember them?

and… of course, the one that made me question all my teachers:

what were your favorite children’s novels? do you still enjoy reading them as much as you did when you were a kid?